


The Man Behind the Mystery Shack

by RockSunner



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adventure, Gen, Humor, Investigation, Mystery, minor character pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is a behind-the-scenes look at the investigation of government agents Powers and Trigger into the life of Stan Pines. Spoilers up to NWHS. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Investigation Begins

Classification: Top Secret, Eyes Only

Agent: Houston Powers

Before I start, please do not discount my report because my name amuses you. I fail to see why it is amusing in any way, because I cannot experience humor myself. I am nothing like a movie character played by Mike Meyers. However, I have found it sometimes gets in the way of my communications, so I ask you, the reader, to get it out of your system. Likewise, do not be amused by the name of my partner, Harry Trigger. This report is important and it demands a serious response at the highest level.

We of the Eagle Eye agency have been tasked with monitoring unusual threats to national security. In particular, our base in the Arizona desert watches for power spikes and gravitational anomalies that may indicate the deployment of a doomsday device. This is of course intensely boring, until something actually happens.

On the night of July 10, 2012, we got an intense spike, a 20.7 on the Asimov scale.

"See there! There it is again!" said Agent Trigger.

"We haven't seen readings like this for thirty years," I said.

Trigger, asked, "Is it coming from deep space?"

We zoomed in the screen, trying to pinpoint the spike.

"An enemy weapon site?" Trigger said.

The map indicated a region in southwest Oregon.

"Just as I suspected," I said. "Gentleman! We're going to Gravity Falls."

We zoomed in to our best spy satellite view of the town.

"Where do we start?" Trigger asked me.

"Let's run our latest information on the town," I said.

Trigger ran a search.

"It looks like last time there was interference from another government agency with a different agenda," said Trigger.

"Yes, the Northwest cover-up," I said. "But they've been disbanded by presidential order, and their mission was declared a failure. The way is clear for us this time."

"Good," said Trigger. "I see a promising possibility. McGucket Labs had some impressive technological break-throughs back then."

"But it looks like they went out of business," I said. "We'll check out the lead, anyway. There are a couple of suspicious-sounding businesses that weren't there last time."

"What are they?" Trigger asked.

"The Tent of Telepathy, and the Mystery Shack," I said.

"Tourist-related businesses? Probably harmless," said Trigger.

"You never know," I said.


	2. Local Law

We took a flight to Portland and from there picked up a government vehicle for the drive to Gravity Falls.

"Our first stop is to rendezvous with local law enforcement," I told Agent Trigger.

"Local law," said Trigger.

We found the sheriff in his office. He was a heavyset man wearing dark glasses. He seemed to be intensely engaged in a game of tic-tac-toe with himself.

"I'm Sheriff Blubs. What can I do for you two city boys?" he asked us in a drawl.

We showed him our badges.

"My name is Agent Powers and this is my partner, Agent Trigger. We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activities in this town. "

"Well, you've come to the right place," said Blubs. "We are the law in Gravity Falls. Nothing gets past us. We watch the town like a hawk."

A tall, skinny police officer entered the room. "Sheriff, I got an emergency!"

"What is it, Deputy Durland?" asked Blubs.

"I can't find my orange crayon!" said Durland. "How can I finish coloring my picture of Reginald McYumber, the Yumberjack Clown?"

"Excuse me, gentlemen, I have to attend to this crisis first," said Blubs. He jumped up, ready to help his partner.

"Excuse me, Deputy, but I see an orange crayon behind your ear," I said.

Durland took the crayon from behind his ear. "Well, I'll be! You city slickers sure is smart."

"Now that is settled, can you tell us of any large disturbance on the night of July 10?" I asked.

"Bright lights, explosions, and so on?" asked Trigger.

"Well, right about then there was that big statue of L'il Gideon that blew up in the middle of town," said Blubs. "Huge explosion, that was."

"He said it was the Pines twins what blew it up with dynamite," said Durland.

"And did they?" I asked.

"No. Right after that we found out he was a phony psychic who used hidden cameras to spy on the town. We figger he did it himself to get them in trouble," said Blubs.

"When did this happen?" asked Trigger.

"Early in the evening on the ninth of July," said Durland.

"We're looking for something that happened at 1:37AM on the tenth," I said.

"Nothing I know of," said Blubs. "And Li'l Gideon was in jail by then."

"Any accomplices who might be carrying out destructive work for him?" I asked. "A doomsday device, in particular?"

"Well, I heard Old Man McGucket was working for him, helped him build that statue what blew up," said Durland.

"McGucket? As in McGucket Labs?" I asked. "That's a promising lead."

"He used to have a high-tech business start-up, but that was about thirty years ago. He lost his mind and turned into the local kook," said Blubs.

"A kook, as you call him, with technical abilities, is just the sort of person we're looking for," I said. "He might be building a doomsday device in secret."

"I doubt it," said Blubs. "He lives in the dump. Where would he get parts to build anything?"

"We'll follow it up anyway," said Trigger.

"Thank you for your time," I said. "You've given us some good leads."

"No problem," said Blubs. "We don't mind working with big-time guvament guys. Last time, we got a great vacation out of it."

"City Park Bus Line in Grand Lake, Michigan!" said Durland in a delighted voice.

"One more thing," Trigger said. "What do you know about the Mystery Shack?"

"It's a tourist trap run by old Stan Pines," said Blubs. "You won't find any real mysteries there."

"Pines, as in the Pines twins who Gideon accursed of destroying his statue?" I asked.

"Yep," said Blubs. "Stan and his grand-niece and grand-nephew brought Gideon down."

"It's worth a check," I said. "We'll give them a quick look first."


	3. Mystery Shack Visit

We drove our official vehicle to the Mystery Shack. There was a mass exodus of customers just after we arrived, a sign that the proprietor, Mr. Pines, had something to hide.

Mr. Pines came to the door to meet us. "Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What can I get you? Key chains? Snow globes? These rare photos of American presidents?"

We ignored the feeble bribery attempt and showed our badges.

"My name is Agent Powers and this is Agent Trigger, we're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town," I said.

"Activity!" echoed Trigger.

"Mysterious activity? In the Mystery Shack? You gotta be joking!" said Pines.

I said, "I assure you I'm not. I was born with a rare disorder that made me physically incapable of experiencing humor."

Pines made a peculiar sound.

"I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth," I said. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we are conducting an investigation."

"Investigation!" echoed Trigger, poking Pines as we pushed our way inside.

A young man who apparently worked in the store looked at us intently.

"Wait! Wait, did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town?" asked the boy.

I kneeled down and said, "That information is classified, but yes. Look. Between you and me, I believe there is an conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. We're just one lead away from blowing the lid of this entire mystery."

"Are you kidding me? I'm investigating the exact same thing! I found this Journal in the woods which has almost all the answers. If we work together, we could crack the case!" said the boy.

I said, "If you have evidence of these claim, we should talk."

I gave him one of our cards with our phone number. It seemed unlikely at the time that he actually knew something, but I was prepared to follow up any lead.

"We could talk right now! Please please. C-come in! I have so much to show you!"

Pines moved in.

"Heh heh, I'm sorry agents. The kid has an overactive imagination. And like, a sweating problem," said Pines.

"Ha ha! Zing!" said a young girl who looked close to the boy's age.

"Paranormal town stuff is just part of gift shop lore. Sells more tickets you know?" said Mr. Pines.

A large individual wearing a "Staff" shirt stuck bumper stickers on us and put antennae on our heads.

"Popodopopo! Swag!" he said.

I said, "We have other spots to investigate. We'll be on our way."

Trigger took ten bobble-heads that resembled Pines. "I'm confiscating this for evidence."

"Smart move," I said.

"Wait! No, wait! We got so much to talk about!" the boy called after us, but we kept on walking.

After we got into the car, I said to Trigger, "The bobble-heads are for fingerprints, right?"

"Umm... Yes, of course. For fingerprints," said Trigger.

"Pines acts a bit guilty, but it's probably just his shady business practices. It might be worth running a background check."

"Background check," said Trigger.

"Meanwhile, we shall investigate the Tent of Telepathy," I said.


End file.
